did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
