That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You ruined the universe
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
