It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
The cops high fived after they tackled you
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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