Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize