This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
