is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize