time to smoke my breakfast
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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