Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
