The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
