i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize