the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
