He asked to "fluff my boner.."
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize