I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
