bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
