I'm so fucking centered right now
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
