you turned your livingroom into a bong?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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