just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
