Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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