I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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