I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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