I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
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