There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
