I saw his package. It spoke to me.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
