Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
