It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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