I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
