i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize