I don't usually arrange sex via text message
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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