You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
be right there i have to get my cape
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
