Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
