Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
