TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize
