I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
