In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
