You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You need a sexual gate keeper
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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