I met the friendliest cop last night
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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