think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
