He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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