If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
