My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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