he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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