Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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