I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
