That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
