Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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