Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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