Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize