my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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