i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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