how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
