This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
