last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
