You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
