I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
