I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
