i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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