ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
he thought i was a dude.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
