i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
