Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
