What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize