She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
