Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
