He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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