The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
