I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
