Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
