oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
