If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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