Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just googled if crying burns calories
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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