woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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