I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
