Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
