I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
