I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
