If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
