There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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