All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
