I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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