SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
