I wanna bring you to show and tell
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
