She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
