And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Oh god it's open bar.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
