Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
