i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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