Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
