Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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