Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
